Five Things John Sheppard is Afraid of
by Lilith.Seraphim
Summary: And somehow they always lead back to Rodney.  McShep Slash. Written for fun for the probably long expired Five Things challenge.


Love the _five things_ challenge. Decided to write one myself. Hope you like it!

Five Things John Sheppard is Afraid of

_1. __Rodney's Mouth_

Because John had seen what Rodney did to that Remuran hunter. In fact, Rodney is downright vicious sometimes. John believes that in the same way the Air Force trained his body and discipline, the academic world trained Rodney's mind -- though not to be brilliant, no, Rodney is like that naturally -- but to be jealous and possessive and downright nasty.

The training also gave Rodney a uncommonly large vocabulary, which he uses liberally and skilfully to deliver the most damage.

John is sure that Rodney could reduce him to tears, if the scientist so chose. Some part of him thanks the familiar skies every night that Rodney had never seriously turned on him like that.

_2. __Rodney's Tactlessness_

Rodney is arrogant and rude on purpose most of the time to whip the science department into maximum efficiency or to hide his fear offworld; but sometimes it is quite by accident. Being a certified genius for all of his life meant that Rodney has zero interpersonal skills due to alienation by his peers. He says what he thinks, which only serves to alienate him further.

One of these days John wants to teach Rodney to say "Thank You" to Zelenka, Teyla, Elizabeth, and even Ronon for being such good friends. Rodney has improved and he often tries to be tactful and keep his mouth shut at very opportune times. John helps Rodney build the much-needed barrier between the genius's brain and his mouth; though Rodney will not abandon his acid remarks for the science team. _Without it,_ Rodney whines, _the civilian scientists will not get anything done_.

However, breaking a habit is difficult, and although John is teaching him to be better, Rodney still slips up on certain occasions. When this happens, John smiles in his lazy way and watches as Rodney visibly deflates while stuttering out a muttered apology. _It's difficult to change_, John tells himself, _but at least he's trying_.

But John is afraid that one day, Rodney will say something so hurtful that not even this excuse will help John forgive him again.

_3. __Rodney's Ego_

Arcturus.

Because Rodney didn't know when to stop.

Because Rodney chose that over John's life and _his own_.

John thinks it's a wasteful way for Rodney to die.

_4. __Being Discovered_

John is terrified of being discovered, as is anyone breaking the DADT policy. He know for sure that his friends would neither mind nor report him, and that his marines would hate to break in a new CO. But the newer recruits arriving by the Daedalus are often straight-by-the-book types who would do anything to weasel their way to a higher position. The fact that there were a number of people back at the SGC and the Air Force who would love to see John Sheppard dishonourably discharged does not help.

_5. And lastly…_

But what scares John the most is leaving Atlantis, which he must do because the only civilians allowed here are the scientists and diplomats. He would be shipped back to earth, without a job, a home, or, most importantly, _Rodney_.

Because John knows that Rodney is a scientist, and John knows that Rodney's first love will always be his research. He knows that Rodney may try to prevent it, but when the time comes, John also knows that Rodney will choose science over him. Rodney will stay in Atlantis, and he might miss John once-in-a-while in a hypoglycaemic stupor from forgetting to eat, but John knows that Rodney will replace him easily with his research.

And John knows that…well…

For all John knows, Rodney lets John fuck him through the mattress for a hobby, and that John is only one more name among the list of casualties (or Jeannies, really), sacrificed for Rodney's science and the betterment of humanity.

And John knows that he honestly will not hate Rodney for it.


End file.
